Am I Keeping Myself Small on Purpose? Am I Fooling Myself?

Manifesting is nice, but without action it’s just another way of keeping myself small

I say one thing and do another. I speak my dreams out loud, but my actions don’t always match. Yes, I’m rediscovering myself. Yes, I’m getting to know myself in a new way. But why am I still keeping myself small?

I take steps, but they’re mini steps. Am I fooling myself? Or am I just afraid to really focus? I once said I wanted to “get paid for being me.” To create things that come straight from my soul. To be creative, to coach people, that’s what gives me energy. So why am I not in action mode? Why do I stay stuck in thinking, analyzing, reflecting?

Who do I want to become? What can I become? How do I get there without constantly comparing myself, without losing myself in what everyone else is doing? How do I know for sure that what I feel and want is truly mine, and not just imprinted on me by the endless doomscrolling. Stream of accounts, tips, and advice that pass me by?

I notice I’m stuck in a loop. A loop of telling myself I need to learn more, listen to another podcast, read another book, take another masterclass. But what have I actually done since the end of May, when I decided I wanted this?

If you want to understand the deeper patterns behind this loop, I wrote a blog about how unconscious patterns shape your life.

• Shut down my old company that I(my old self) started 1,5 years ago

• Figured out what I wanted to do

• Started coaching two women and successfully wrapped it up

• Took a masterclass and created my first materials

• Started posting more on TikTok

• Discovered I want to go deeper with EFT

• Learned how to regulate my emotions

• Learned to meditate

• Learned how to manage my energy

• Learned to look through illusions and fears

• Learned to listen to my intuition

• Learned to live in the moment and just be present

• Started to learn how to appreciate the small things

• Learned new life lessons

• Started building my website

• Rebirthed new versions of myself

• Gave my body what it needed (work-outs but also needed rest)

• Spent a lot of time in nature

• Did what I felt like, without letting myself be pressured

And then, stayed two months in Mallorca. Meeting new people, learning from them. Learning about myself all over again. Doing beautiful things with my partner. Traveling to France, Italy, the mountains, the forests. Freedom. Freedom within myself. Freedom in my own body. Feeling at home in my body. Enjoying the world.

When I look at this list, I think: wow. So why don’t I see it myself? Am I dissatisfied with where I stand? Do I not give myself enough credit? Am I fooling myself? That’s my inner struggle. I do more than enough, things many people would never dare to do, and yet, sometimes it feels like it’s not enough.

Living in the present. Freedom in myself. Isn’t that what I wanted? And still, something haunts at me. As if deep down, I know I have so much more in me. That I hide behind manifesting and letting it come to me. But honestly, sometimes that’s laziness. Sometimes that’s lack of discipline.

Because what I want is this: writing, speaking, sharing. Not bullshit, but my real story. A book. So why haven’t I started yet? What am I waiting for? Another post? Another course?

If I stopped sabotaging myself, if I wasn’t insecure or full of excuses, what would I actually do?

I already know the answer. I would stop doom scrolling and start creating. Stop consuming and build what I truly want. Discipline and consistency. Small steps. And above all, do what I say. Practise what you preach.

I don’t want to keep myself small anymore. I don’t want to sabotage myself anymore. Because the only thing holding me back is me.

If you’re done keeping yourself small and want support to break these patterns, my Mindset & Energy Reset can help you step into your next level.